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Beach Elves

Page history last edited by API administrator user 14 years, 7 months ago

Back to Races

 

Beach Elves

 

"I see no reason how this can't be solved with a surfing contest." - Queen L'etla, in response to the advancing hordes of Char Reyarteb

 

Native to the sparse islands of Battal, as well as its many beaches, Beach Elves are among the most eponymous sea-folk that aren't prone to attempting murder on those who venture near them. An offshoot of the Elves of Battal, the beach elves are not technically a type of elf; They are a self-described "grab bag o' pointy eared folk" who have taken to the sea, although they are primarily Nevelves, a cross of the Nevelost and the Extremely Elf. Further, a curious effect of having a diet of only fruit, coconut milk, and the flesh of the innumerable deadly sea creatures of Battal have given most beach elves a small-to-largish horn growing from their foreheads or a few inches into the hairline. Younger Beach Elves have bright orange skin, which is rather inconvenient when running away from attackers, but after years under the bright sun their skin bleaches to a pale peach.

 

The beach elves have an ornate and lively culture. In addition to the elven pantheon, they worship the Great Sea Queen Kitalihetilaka and the Badass Volcano Queen Litekatihtakta. Their goddesses are a balance between peace and violence: the Great Sea Queen insists the best way to deal with conflicts is to have a surfing contest (should one or more competitors be male) or have a dance-off in skimpy clothing (should all be female and judged, in a literal translation, "totally hot"); the Badass Volcano Queen insists that problems are best solved by throwing them into volcanoes and laughing at them after they die. Most beach elves find that a compromise between surfing competitions and volcano-into-throwing is the key to happiness.

 

Besides surfing (which they introduced to Battal) and volcano-filling, the beach elves endulge in lively singing, the eating of exotic fruits, and waxing their boards/readying their gailiy plucked string instruments. Their language is uniquely unsuited for anything, in that it only has letters for the equivalent of A, E, H, I, K, L, T, and U, as well as an inability to express emotions or ideas save in the most base and slang-filled way possible. For instance, a Battal poem goes:

 

On the shore breaks a wave

On a stone lies a fish

It gasps for the sea

So close,

Unreachable.

 

Its literal translation into Beach Elf would come out as:

 

A fish gets stuck.

Sucks for the fish.

 

Its figurative translation into Beach Elf comes out with:

 

A fish chokes on air.

It's very meaningful,

Bitch.

 

It is well-known that the only parts of Battal not conquered by Char Reyarteb during either of his attempts to lord over the world included beach elf beaches, as he could never phrase his otherwise-intimidating battle cries in a way to make them cower.

 

While the beach elves are a generally peaceful folk, they have produced a number of Water Elemenstors, spearmen, and of course, volcano-shove-into-ers. Their obsidian surfboards have, quite accidentally, proved to be among the most dangerous surprise weapons at sea.

 

Beach Elves have been confirmed as a new race in the upcoming Eloth:Tes MMO

 

Fanart by Rhok Wagley:

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