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Book 10

Page history last edited by Tim 14 years, 7 months ago

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The Elemenstor Cycle, Book 10: The Hierarch Wars Begin (Colloquially, Elemenstors Gone Wild, Vol. I)

 


 

 

Note: Book 10 had two different dust jackets with different notes.

 

Dust Jacket Notes

 

Nobody suspected that the Old House of Eyekia Lane was anything special. Sierra Vanity didn't. An Elemenstor would know better. Lurking between its creaking, clanking floorboards is the evilest evil this world has seen ever. Well... maybe not ever, but at least a century or two. Guddboy Lad sees this evilest evil. For you see, he has come to see the evilest evil isn't in The Old House... it is The Old House. And when Sierra Vanity accidentally unchains this evil during a savage wet cloak contest, an epic to end all epics will begin to unfold.

 

Hat Rack and Foot Stool. Hope Chest and Nightstand. Armoire and Chair. The Elemenstor Saga reaches new epic heights as it draws near its epic end.

 

BEWARE NOBLE READER: If you pick up this book, know that you will not rest until canvassing every line of every page!

 

Dust Jacket (On editions of Book 10 printed after Book 12)

The wondrous tale of the Hierarch Wars begins quietly enough. The Old House of Eyekia Lane seemed an unseemly place for events that would shake Battal to its very core! But begin there they did.

 

In the year 23,354, teenager Sierra Vanity inherits the Old House in her long-lost great-uncle's will. Through a series of adventures with the kitchen boy Guddboy Lad, she discovers that the house is imbued with the dread power of long-forgotten dark lord Char Reyarteb. Meanwhile, the Elemenstors (scattered to the five corners of Battal after the breaking of their fellowship in the previous tale) sense the presence of this foreboding evil - and each gathers Staff and Furniture to once again do battle!

 

Notes

 

The first in the Hierarch Wars Trilogy, The Hierarch Wars Begin is best know for its unique format. Namely, that the entire work is written in a series of Villanelles that transition freely between English, French, Latin, Hebrew, Morse Code, Aramaic, and the guttural yawns of Wookiees (known as Shyriiwook). This effect leaves the reader in a sense of excitement and exhaustion as they chant along the epic in one hand and a dictionary in the other. The entire work is considered by some scholars as a metatextual commentary on the entire Elemenstor Saga, its surrounding fandom, the meaning of social obligations in a capitalistic democracy that openly supports fascist regimes, and, specifically in Verses 891-933, on Brahe's anxieties regarding his impending fatherhood. While controversial at first, the style won many adherents. Nevertheless, for reasons unknown, Brahe revised his formula for Book 11. This is in marked contrast to the fevered semi-coherent rantings towards the end of Book 9, which is perhaps acknowledged by the author by the opening line of Book 10, the immortal: "And then I woke up.".

 

Book 10's continued popularity has much to do with the unceasing freshness of the work; even after several reads the text retains many secrets. A cottage industry of studies on Book 10 have sprung up since its initial publication to feed and comment on these mysteries. Perhaps some of this is attributable to the unusual manuscript submitted by the author for proof-reading and printing, which was written on thin sheets of edible chocolate. It was shortly after this that Tycho had his second break-down.

 

Recurring Characters

 

 

New Characters

 

 

Unsolved Mysteries

 

  • Who is the waxy purple figure described to be doing push-ups in the opening verses?
  • Who or what exactly is the "Urtzkay" Brahe disdainfully refers to in passing throughout the text?
  • Is the disembodied head of Zula from the Wizbits! supposed to be addressing fanfic writers or fanfic readers?
  • Why is the Recliner of Botany never seen at the same time as Guddboy Lad?
  • Why does line "DIVX WAZ HERE" break up the rhythm in Verse 1355?
  • What is the meaning on the transparent, smeared brown ring on the upper corner of Page 127?
  • At what point is an Elemenstor actually going to "go wild"?
  • Why, halfway through the book, does an erotic one-shot story takes place and then end mid-sentence?

 

Excerpts from the Text

 

 

Mighty was the hero's reek

Abundans oro nidor acidus:

'Excusez-moi, "le odeur chic"'

 

The ... -- . .-.. .-.. lingered for a week

Eliciting *grunt* from those infidus

Mighty was the hero's reek

 

But still, discidium: Reek or chic?

Particularly the lego ficus:

'Excusez-moi, "le odeur chic"'

 

Each, every orifice would leak

Each punctum puteo validus

Mighty was the hero's reek

 

Enemies countless would '. . -.-'

And bolt, dismoral, after leaders

Mighty was the hero's reek

'Excusez-moi, "le odeur chic"'

He fell down with a mighty crash upon

The grave, and roused the sleeping ghost

Of Serafina Haberdasheron.

 

"You bastard, leave before I thrash your Mom!"

The spirit scowled, as hailstones most

Hard fell down with a mighty crash upon.

 

"I swear," he cried, "it's not some trashy con,"

"I came to raise a noble toast

To Serafina Haberdasheron!"

 

But from his bowl all the goulash had gone.

The cream, paprika, and the roast

Had fell down with a mighty crash upon.

 

"You foolish man, I ought to smash a tonne

Of bricks on you!" The metric boast

Of Serafina Haberdasheron!

 

Just like in Kurosawa's Rashomon,

Uncertain's truth. Believed by most:

He fell down with a mighty crash upon

Cruel Serafina Haberdasheron.

 

(More excerpts required!)

 

Related articles

 

See Also: Unresolved Threads. Ferngravellia. Niozeyon. Middleclang. Canonical ELotH Sexuality. The Elemenstor Cycle. Finnish translation. Bag of the Endless Void. Book 9. Your First Addition to the Wiki. The Heirarch Wars: The Hidden And Very Dangerous Wars. Persephalous. Availability. Gespechio. Canon or non-canon. Excerpts from the cycle that are recounted here. Joam Furnister. The Harbinger Cycle. Spiral Doom. Battal Adventures. Hierarch Wars. Quotable Quotes. Ssskssenek. Myrkmoom. Sierra Vanity. Killer Black. Zynthar. Fumias Humblor. Porcelia Chillbarn. Old House of Eyekia Lane. RealLifeTimeLine. Elemenstor Cycle Timeline. Kapybara. vanishing cream. Epic Legends Of The Hierarchs: The Elemenstor Saga, as read by James Earl Jones. Ablongox the Particularly Unusually Long Lived. Companionship of the Elemenstors. Linuxium. Doublemint. Recliner of Botany. Ekezenthal. Guddboy Lad. Book 11.

 

 

Discussion

I have the EFC version of Book 10, it's really awesome to re-read and just be able to enjoy the plot, augmented by the additional illustrations and in-place translations (with original text in footnotes for the linguists). Anybody who really wants to get the most out of Book 10 needs to pick up this scholarly work. -Tim

 

 

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