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Dark Steel Bikini of Suprising Protection

These fashionable metal undergarments provide nearly complete protection of a female wearer, yet curiously cover little to no skin. Though they are definitely possessed of some sort of magical protection, all attempts by researchers to look in to them have ended in distraction. Through some force the bikini makes all men (more accurately all men (non-Fancy Men, that is), lesbians, and other people who like half dressed women) highly protective of them. It has been suggested that this feature is not magical in nature.

When Eric Langerhans, Dean of Special Research at the Institute Of Accoutermentia, suggested that they simply hire less attractive assistants, he was summarily fired and found later that day dead from asphyxiation by bunsen burner.

Research into these curious garments aroused the interests of researchers from every generation and "research" continued until The Ending Times.

Despite being of extremely minor historical importance, these garments are second only to the Armor of Fullchesthood in frequency of appearance on book covers, and are frequently seen in adult works.