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Dim Elves

Page history last edited by API administrator user 14 years, 7 months ago

Back to Races

 

Dim Elves

Also See: Lapua Elves Movement

 

One of the noble races of Elves.

 

General Description

 

The least intelligent of the elven races, Dim Elves are kind and caring and absolutely dull beyond belief. They live in a fuzzy-headed harmony with their surroundings, devoid of any sort of conflict. This offers adventurers precisely jack to do. Dim Elven lands are some of the least-popular vacation spots on Battal.

 

The typical look of a Dim Elf is bland, gray skin. They have particularly bland hair-cuts. A bowl cut is common.

 

Dim Elves are primarily gatherers, eating nuts, berries and other humdrum legumes and berries. They have a highly-developed musical tradition that no one else cares about at all, which consists of holding a single note for hours, and then--brace yourself--switching to a different note. Dim Elves are born with an innate talent for elemenstation, which they use to repair torn shirts and locate ripe berries and other mundane items. One would think the occasional fireball would come to spice up the Dim Elves lives. They make an incredibly strong liquor, famous for qualities not unlike air. Nobody likes or dislikes the Dim Elves, nor do they pay the Dim Elves any amount of substantial attention at all. They are too even-tempered to be fun to torment, and so stupid that everyone else feels vaguely embarassed to be around them. Besides, no member of the Dim Elf race has been known to do anything even vaguely epic.

 

Dim Elves who contract Epic Flu are considered "untouchables" and are exiled by their people. They wander the lands doing great deeds and are known as the Sly Elves.

 

The Dim Elves inhabit the southern lands of Yymp, in the lands surrounding their capital of Dwimelvan’astlevania.

 

Addendum from The works of The Chronicler

There are legends that the Dim Elves or Dwimelvan’tesal (which translates as the boring grey ones) were once an incredibly vibrant and exciting people but that in a time long lost they sacrificed any connection to the UR element of Epic to save all of creation.

 

Most modern scholars find this improbable and attribute the creation of the legend to those people marked as "Dim Elf apologists." One of the greatest Dim Elven scholars (and a regular barrel full of monkeys himself) was once quoted as saying, in a monotone voice, “No way in hell, that is far too exciting to have anything to do with Dim Elves.”

 

There is some evidence that lends credence to the legend though. According to Lore (As well as the CCG and RPG), any spell with the Epic- enhancement that is directed at a Dim Elf will automatically fail. If the race were not so spectacularly boring this would most likely be used by armies to their advantage. As it is, most would-be conquerors cannot be bothered to learn this fact about the elves.

 

 

Phylogeny

 

It is speculated that the Dim Elves are primarily descended from Furniture, with a limited admixture of Sjkarblae ancestry. It is also quite possible that they are a remnant of the Ecreekem Remnant who survived by hibernating in the earth for millennia.

 

Militia

The Dim Elves maintain a militia of Falconriders which are almost never called upon.

 

Civic Participation

Most Dim Elves avoid participation in political process or activism but there is a small group within Dim Elf society that press for a return to "wood and soil". This movement is known as Scrape Patchedpants' Lapua Elves Movement.

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