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James Langomedes

Page history last edited by PBworks 17 years, 2 months ago

Back to Prominent Figures

 

James Langomedes

 


 

 

James Langomedes was the executive producer and chief creative director of The Wizbits animated television series.

 

Birth and Education

 

James Q. Langomedes was born in 1948 in the small village of Chisholm Upon Wie, in the British countryside. An exceedingly bright child, Langomedes was admitted to Eton College as a King’s Scholar at the age of 13. His time at the school was tempestuous, however, and he dropped out within eighteen months. At the time he stated his intention to join the Royal Navy.

 

Langomedes’ activities over the next seven years are unknown. He next resurfaced in 1970 in London, missing his left eye (it was replaced with glass) and dead-set on becoming a successful artist.

 

Early Work

 

The initial phases of Langomedes’ artistic career were met with frustration. His early output consisted primarily of laboriously detailed pen and ink drawings, the recurring themes of which included the human skeletal system, large-chested Viking women, and pools of fire. Although various licensing agreements between Langomedes and London tattoo parlors provided some measure of financial success, he was largely ignored by his peers in the artistic community.

 

Langomedes found creative appreciation via an unexpected medium: performance art. His work explored the aesthetics of self-destruction, earning him comparisons to the American artist Chris Burden. Nearly all of Langomedes’ performance pieces, such as Pre-human Organisms, revolved around the artist injecting himself intravenously with heroin. These edgy, dangerous performances quickly made Langomedes the darling of the avant-garde London art world, although subsequent scholarship has revealed that all or nearly all of them took place in Langomedes’ apartment (and there is some question as to whether they were publicized, recorded or observed by an audience of any sort).

 

Later, Langomedes did a brief stint as the director of Kung Foo Rooster, a cartoon about a chicken with inexplicable martial arts prowess. Although he only lasted for three episodes before Toon Penny dismissed him for offenses which have been sealed by California's highest courts, this experience was the bulletpoint on his resume that would eventually land him on the Wizbits project. It is also worth noting that those three episodes with Langomedes' name on them enabled the short-lived, post-syndication "James Langomedes Power Hour" in which Kung Fu Rooster and Wizbits aired back-to-back on weekday afternoons.

 

The Wizbits Are Born

 

In 1997, General Defense Dynamics found itself in the midst of a public relations firestorm following the publication of what have come to be known as the Muhamed Memos. These engineering documents outlined the defense contractor’s decision to recalibrate its antipersonnel mines’ trigger mechanism to a value based on the weight of an eight year old Iraqi boy. Facing public outcry and the widespread perception that GDD was not “child-friendly,” the corporation sought ways to improve its image.

 

The solution came when an executive discovered that GDD’s portfolio of intellectual property included the rights to the Elemenstor franchise, originally acquired during the development of the subsequently-cancelled REYARTEB missile program. Drawing on the body of work already available from the Japanese ELotH:TES anime, a new children’s animated program was quickly conceived and Langomedes was approached to helm it, possibly because of his appearance on the front page of Sunday edition of The Guardian during the week before his hiring.

 

Running The Wizbits Cartoon

 

The Wizbits were a moderate hit with their target audience, but the production was plagued with problems. Delays and cost overruns were frequent, many of them attributable to Langomedes’ insistence that the series’ animators color all red objects appearing onscreen with his own blood. More problems arose when Langomedes replaced the entire animation crew with blind eunuchs, because the former animators' "filthy sex-crazed minds" were "f***ing up my beautiful creation". Langomedes’ creative output during this period also suffered due to a struggle with anemia and severe bouts of depression, wherein he would lock himself in his office for days and scream himself to sleep. On more than one occasion he would even tear up the original scripts and re-write them, leaving the voice actors to study their new "improved" lines off what he scratched into his desk with his fingernails.

 

Nevertheless, General Defense Dynamics indicated no hesitation in sinking money into the show, and it continued on a persistent but highly irregular schedule.

 

Season 2 saw no better. On October 31, 1999, the day the final video for episode 201 was supposed to go to production, Langomedes burst into the room containing the video and lit the tape on fire, claiming Dyemons had befouled his masterpiece.

 

On July 2nd 2001, Mr. Langomedes gave this televised interview.

 

On February 6, 2002, Langomedes was arrested on illegal exporting charges by FBI, ATF and USDA agents. His arrest and subsequent trial resulted in a halt on production of the remainder of Season 3 of The Wizbits. Langomedes was eventually aquitted on the grounds of "Mental Defect" in December.

 

THIS SECTION IS A STUB. IT NEEDS TO BE EXPANDED. IF YOU CAN CONTRIBUTE INFORMATION ABOUT THE EVENTS SURROUNDING THE WIZBITS' SERIES RUN, PLEASE DO SO.

 

Downfall

 

On April 2, 2004 James Langomedes was invited to speak at Brislington Academy, a private school located several miles from the artist’s birthplace. In the midst of his address to the assembled students, Langomedes abruptly halted for what he claimed would be a cigarette break. However, Langomedes did not return. Within an hour it was discovered that one of the school’s vans was also missing – along with 11 of its students.

 

Police converged on Langomedes’ London flat, where the children were found unharmed, but missing all of their shoes. Langomedes was nowhere to be seen.

 

A subsequent search of the apartment two days later revealed that Langomedes had been present all along, concealed in a crawlspace and scribbling furiously in miniature lettering on the children’s missing shoes. The police report indicates that he was psychologically withdrawn, and completely unresponsive to investigators’ questions.

 

Shortly after being taken into custody, Langomedes suffered a Grand Mal seizure and lapsed into a coma, in which he remains. The cause of the seizure is unknown, although speculation generally runs along two lines: first, that it resulted from physical abuse received by the artist while he was interrogated; or second, that it was related to the mental abnormality preceding it.

 

Curiously, the shoes soon disappeared from police possession. James Dolan, the evidence clerk working on the case, is the only person known to have read the text printed upon them. Press reports of the abduction quote him as calling the work “unimaginably beautiful.” Unfortunately, Dolan was killed by a hit-and-run driver within one week of the incident. The contents of what fans have come to call The Shoe Masterpiece therefore remain unknown, although a variety of conspiracy theories have sprung up around them, such as the belief that the killer of Mr. Dolan was, in fact, the Starborn Gem itself.

 

Langomedes' extended comatose state prompted the James Langomedes Candlelight Vigil in April of 2005, a heartfelt outpouring of good wishes for the artist.

 

Trivia

 

  • Langomedes was said to be the model for images of Gr'z'tok which appeared in the ELotH:TES CCG. Whether this was simply a homage on the part of one of the artists at Elemenstors of the Peninsula or was done with Langomedes' consent is unknown.

 

  • Langomedes had a self-proclaimed "violent hate-on" for jute, and vilified it whenever he could.

 

  • James Langomedes has his own religion! See Langoites.

 

  • James Langomedes repeatedly referenced Law 333 in his work, for mysterious reasons.

 

 

  • He referred to anyone from Standards and Practices as "Magma Fascists," and called the SnP board itself "the Board of Magma Fascists." Reasons remain unclear as to where he got the term from.

 

Conspiracies

 

There are many conspiracies crafted by fans concerning James Langomedes's fate, history, and so on. Some can be found here: James Langomedes rumors

 

See also the Real World Quotes section of Quotable Quotes.

 

FoR teh Recr'd the "RUMOURS" uf my "comatose state" aRR HIGHLY EGGZAGERATED... hav'ng sed that... keep up the good werk.. i r'lly enjoy reading this wiki... -JQL
OH. EHM. GEE. Can we get confirmation on this?! Like, this isn't just some random spammer? -Jute Mill, Whose Pants Be Wet With Fanboy Over-Hope
JQL...? Could it be?!?! My lord, I am at your command! -Shadowtext
My life for yoooooooooooooou.-JM

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