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King T'n'r

One of the more controversial figures in the history of Battal, the legendary Battlebard King T'n'r ruled Kelembad with Queen S'pr'no for a somewhat indeterminate period of time leading up to and perhaps including a portion of the Vampyric Wars. It is known that he was succeeded by Vulthar, whose unusual longevity made him both the last King of Kelembad and the first Prime Minister of Terle. Where the fan community is thrown into major dischord is on King T'n'r's death.

Life

Fortunately, King T'n'r's life generates more harmony than the details of his death. The grandson of Monny and Darie, whose legendary flamboyance would inspire Fancy Men for thousands of years (arguably making it Kelembad's most lasting contribution to the the culture of Battal), T'n'r life was carefully composed to bring the crown back to the family. He trained from an early age and was groomed to win as soon as a Clashathon arose. While singing was always his forte, he was a skilled instrumentalist as well.

But of course, before he could become the King, T'n'r first had to find a suitable mate. The tales of T'n'r's seeking and wooing of S'pr'no mark the high note in The Lost Tales of Shattered Kelembad. He scaled The Impossible Spire, sang the infinitely-repeating Greylord Rode to Mandleclang One Dark and Brooding Night for thirty-two hours straight, and was instrumental in recovering a first-edition, signed copy of Mother Nancy's Fancy Cookbook for the royal archives.

Less-detailed (but no less famous) adventures include T'n'r's fistfight with Grand Elemenstor Raffleston, his harassment of the Brians, and of course "the Ap'str'ph' Incident", in which he and his friend Kh'itch managed to cause a major industrial accident involving a large amount of apostrophine, a crate full of gnorkles, and a naughty toy of some sort. The exact results of this accident are unknown, but it is said that it impacted every living resident of Kelembad.

After winning S'pr'no's hand and triumphing over the Clashathon with his truly Epic music, King T'n'r reprised his epicness by tirelessly advancing the cause of his kingdom. At the urging of the ancient administrative genius Lord Greylord, King T'n'r famously hired an entire team of Gyydeion assistants that helped him keep track of his many administrative projects (although he eventually had to consume them all when he was trapped in a freak snowstorm in the countryside). He was always in tune with the needs of his kingdom, and eventually passed the Pixlie Rite of Dust and earned fealty from Pixlie legions, adding political success to his long refrain of Epic feats.

Death

This much is certain: King T'n'r's death made him the second-to-last Magic Sword King of Kelembad. Beyond that, things get hazy, because there are two conflicting accounts of T'n'r's grand finale.

The first, related in The Lost Tales of Shattered Kelembad, is that King T'n'r died fighting in an extended campaign against a large contingent of Torvolds. It is suggested that this battle actually occurred before the Vampyric Wars formally began, and that the event galvanized The Kings Council to act in concert against Vhadxi and The Vampyre Kingdom of Far Southern Battal.

The second, related in Garth Ennis Presents: The Vampyric Wars, is a beautifully rendered, 36-page battle between King T'n'r and a disembodied wolf's head. This battle apparently takes place about mid-way through the Vampyric Wars.

It is accepted that Queen S'pr'no, in her grief, ultimately cast herself into the Chasm of Eternal Sorrow, but how long she waited to do this depends entirely on which account one accepts as canon. Proponents of the first account point out that an early battle would have allowed the people of Kelembad to hold a proper Clashathon before the war hit full swing, and would explain why Queen S'pr'no remained a powerful symbol for her successors to leverage. Proponents of the second account point out that the wolf-head struggle "may not be accurate, but it will blow your effin' mind!!!"