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Kordish Butter

Kordish Butter, made from the milk of the Kordish Cows, is renowned for being extra greasy.

The Story of Mort and the Kordish butter

A tale told in part by an unnamed character in Book 5 to boost the spirits of Serafina Haberdasheron.

Unfortunately, in the book this tale is repeatedly interrupted by the barfight Felthar is engaged in at the time, so we do not have all the details. Some of the missing sections are referenced in Book 7.

We know that the story begins with Mort the Dairyman delivering a pint of half-and-half to a family, not knowing that the household were mere puppets of a rogue corner bookcase that intended to capture Mort and thereby corner the market on very heavy cream. After substituting Mort's supply with non-dairy creamer the foul shelving unit tasks him with locating a stick of Kordish butter, knowing that even should he find some he would never be able to hold on to it.

It's unclear how Mort was able to locate the butter, but we know from Book 7 that it involves The Existential Fun-Tack.