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Phillyan Monger, The Taintless
The Origin of Phillyan
During the glory days of Lavatoria, there rose among the ranks of the Taintless Paladins one whose hammer would echo far and wide throughout the Worldplace. The seers of of Lavatoria proclaimed that he alone would survive the war with the jealous Hierarchs, defeat them and their servants, and (somehow) restore the race the Taintless Men and their Empire. This Paladin's name... was Phothar.
As it turns out, the prophecy was complete bupkis.
The sole survivor of the Battle of the Clash of the Taint'ns turned out not to be Phothar, but his intern, Darniathas. During the heat of the battle, Lord Phothar fell beneath the powerful hammersword of Hygrad the Mighty. The young paladin-in-training took up his lord's Pallahammer, donned his Mantle of Palladinity, and hung around his neck his lord's Almighty Booke of Rulings and rallied the forces of the Taintless Men.
By then, it was already too late. The Battle of the Clash was over, and the young intern stood alone... the only Taintless One who remained on the field of battle... and the last of his kind.
None of the Band of Men noticed that this was not actually Lord Phothar.
"By the Hierarchs..." whispered Hygrad, motioning to his men to stand down.
"My Lord and King Hygrad," gasped Hardforge, "He lives!"
Darniathas attempted to interject: "Well, actually--"
"His holy powers have raised him to continue his fight against us!"
"Look, it's my first day, and I--"
"But he remembers not himself! Reborn in the purity of the Lightnes!"
"No, really, it's just that--"
"Paladin!" shouted Hygrad, stepping forward, "This battle may come to no end, seeing as we will probably just keep killing you, followed by your ressurection, followed by more killing and ressurection until the breaking of the world itself. I, the King of this Land, shall make you an offer: Serve me, and bring honor to the names of the Taintless Ones."
Darniathas hesitated for a moment before answering, just to make sure it wasn't a joke.
"Okay, sure."
"Kneel, Paladin, and be reborn as... Phyllian Monger, Taintless Servant of the Band of Men!"
-- EL:WotT
And so it was that Darniathas was reborn as Phyllian, and would join the Band of Men in their earnest mission to "Go Places and Do Stuff."
The Ways of a Taintless Paladin
Phillyan retained his abilities as a Taintless Paladin, those servants of the Light and Guardians of the Ornamental Dishwashing Liquid for which Lavatoria was famed. Like other Paladins of the Taintless Men, his abilities included:
- Aura of Lemonfreshness
- Stain Resistance
- Healing Powers (Anti-Bacterial, of course)
- Super Absorbency
In battle, Phillyan's powers protected him from mighty blows and unsightly stains and smudges. Often he would emerge, as he did from the Expedition of the Giant Troll-ish Things, seemingly unscathed with perfect hair beneath his helmet.
Like other Taintless Men, Phillyan did very little eating, sleeping, sweating, excreting, etc, and was quite fascinated by the incredibly obscene level of uncleanliness exposed by humans.
"What is that horrible smell? Do the bodies of Men always decay so quickly?"
"Nae," snorted Drong, "His carpse went'n soiled his drawers there. Happens sometimes when ye smash their brains in. Heh... they don't put that in the stories, now do they?"
''-- EL:WotT
His Further Adventures
After the breaking of the Band of Men, Phillyan dedicated himself to joining the fight against the Tyrant of Otherhood. Though, by his account, Men were "actually quite terrible at being Paladins", he started his own order of holy warriors, which he called The Cleansers of the Taint, dedicated to eradicating the Tyrant of Otherhood, the Penumbral Shadow Hands and any other servants of Unlight.
The Order of the Cleansers would persist for many ages, resurfacing now and then to join a multicultural alliance opposing the apocalyptic plans of a dark lord and such.
It is assumed that Phillyan and his Paladins shall feature prominently in at least one of the books of the Brotherhood Octology.
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