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Ring of Irony

A fabled ring. The creation of this ring was often proposed or mentioned by the definative ring crafter, the Ringling known as Claygon and therefore he is credited with the concept for the ring. He never actually crafted such a thing though and so the ring went unrealized for many years.

The ring was finally, ironically, crafted by the prolific ring crafter Floapy Exadnagnir, who then wore it from the time that he crafted it until his untimely death on the eve of his wedding (and sixtieth birthday) when he was unexpectedly crushed by a Meteoric Cow.

The tragedy struck while he was on the way to get an annulment, after having discovered that his new wife was Necrodite Slayerofinnocent, a clever assassin, and wielder of the great blade Undarhwhom, who he believed would have dispatched him that very night.

In fact she had told him her name and occupation on countless ocasions during their long courtship and engagement, often inquiring, "Doesn't it bother you that I am going to kill you on the night we wed?". However, on each occasion something prevented the message from being correctly recieved. Minor calameties (such as the accidental dropping of plates masking portions of the conversation, or Floapy's minor brain annurism causing him to "skip" a 10 second portion of time at exactly the wrong moment) always had him believing she was "Necie Loveinnocent" (having missed the middle portion of her name and filling it in on his own). He would always respond to her misunderstood questions with something like, "Oh, now Necie, you worry too much. Of course we can eat some krill on the night we wed, everything will be fine, you'll see! I love you!".

Necrodite, despite being responsible for the death of thousands, found that his persistent love for her (and his calling her Necie) had brought within her a great change, and she secretly intended to never kill again, and to persue a happy life with Floapy. However, ironically, he finally learned her name and occuption durring the wedding ceremony, when he found that the bride's side was full of prominent murderers, theives, and other shifty types shouting things like "We'll meet you at the pub after you slaughter this idiot tonight, Necrodite!". He was too frightened not to utter the words "I do".

Folowing the sudden appearance of the ill timed Meteoric Cow, his will instructed that the ring be buried with him, but his handwriting was rather poor, and the ring was given to his widow instead. She received it at his funeral, and crushed by this cruel twist of fate, returned to her assassinations with redoubled energy, beginning with the entire wedding party at the grave site, and continuing uninterrupted until the strange, and ironically peaceful events of her own untimely demise three years later.

Necrodite passed away while on a mission to kill a man who she did not know. She entered the inn where he was sleeping, and prepared to kill him in his sleep. She had written a note in chicken blood (which she had brought with her) on the floor by his bed for the finders of his body to read. She enjoyed taunting the local law with notes, and knew that the local law man was Isaac Spheres, so wrote:

She paused for a moments rest before killing him, and sat in a very comfy chair. She fell asleep, and as she moved in her sleep accidentally smeared the note with her foot, wiping the "Sp" and "oa" completely.

She peacefully died in her sleep, from a chicken-blood bourne illness, which opened many post-mortem wounds on her skin, adding some punctuation to the note, and making her appear to have been brutally slain. In the night, the ring slipped from her dead hand and rolled below the note.

When Claygon the Ringling awakened, he found a noutourious assassin dead in his chair, from apparently self inflicted wounds, a ring that he had never made, but had dreampt of again that very night, and a note which he believed to be written in the unfortunate woman's blood:

The effects of the ring are unknown.