Back to the Siege of Arkleaf

See Also: The Higgerath

Ten Years of Useless Bloodshed

While there have doubtless been many instances of Useless Bloodshed upon the face of Battal lasting for many and varied lengths of time, perhaps the most famous and most Useless of all is the Ten Years of Useless Bloodshed that took place during the Siege of Arkleaf between 17,934 to 17,944.

The seeds of this Decade of Depletion are sown in 17,923 when Gr'z'tok first moves on the town of Arkleaf and the Siege of Arkleaf begins. War Men from every clan begin to slowly mingle and by 17,933 the armies of F'KrUK, P'zulG'NaT, Gron and Ruuk'K'K'u, Despiser of Wing'ed Things have assembled and along with Kin'Zul the Elf-Eater and Gr'z'tok himself, they form the nucleus of the Higgerath.

In 17,934 the armies of Shok'Gr'kLL the Aggressive and LurZ arrive to join the carnage. The sight of so much death and mayhem raises their Bloodlustiness and in turn the sight of two thirds of the Triumvirate of Bloodchiefs* further incites the War Men of the other clans and their fervour spills over into unchecked rampaging.

The blood bath finally concludes in 17,944 when the Great Warchief T'kK'iT arrives, his entourage collectively bent double under the weight of several hundred barrels of the Liquid of Lighthearted Stupefaction. This ensures that the Decade of Debauched Dripping dissolves into the Five Years of Uncontrollable Giggling.

Chronology of the Buildup to the Ten Years of Useless Bloodshed

• 17,923 - Gr'z'tok begins the Siege of Arkleaf
• 17,933 - By now various armies are assembled

Chronology of the Ten Years of Useless Bloodshed

• 17,934 - Mix two thirds of the Triumvirate of Bloodchiefs liberally into an already boiling Higgerath and stand well back. Blood games played this year include:
  • Bleed the Impaled Body of General Gron Dry
  • Who's Got the Sharpest Axe Rounds 1 - 5 (First Tiered K'thian Points Elimination Format)
  • Best Impersonation of Gr'z'tok, Lord of the Overrulers Without Getting Impaled for Insubordination
• 17,935 - Let the Bloodgames Continue
  • Best Impersonation of Gr'z'tok, Lord of the Overrulers Using the Lifeless Body of a Previous Contestant as a Sock Puppet
  • Who's Got the Sharpest Axe Rounds 6 - 15 (Second Tiered K'thian Points Elimination Format)
  • Slash the Fallen Wood-Archer (Whoever's slash causes his demise loses)
  • Kill the Furkal'Onk Who Accused You of Cheating at Slash the Fallen Wood-Archer
• 17,936 - Attack the Gates and Walls Again
  • Who's Bleeding Now, Kuluk'hab'u'pa? (Straight Up Last Man Standing Elimination between the Wood-Archers and the War Men)
  • So It Looks Like You Ran Out of Arrows! (Much jeering and ritual bloodletting by the War Men)
  • Ha Ha We Fooled You Dumbasses! (No, they hadn't run out of arrows)
• 17,937 - Ignore Them and Get Back to the Games
  • Who's Got the Sharpest Axe Rounds 16 - 35 (Third Tiered K'thian Points Elimination Format)
• 17,938 - Bloodslides!
  • I Can Bloodslide Further Than You (Started off as a First Tiered K'thian Points Elimination Format)
  • Your Mother Could Bloodslide Further Than That and She's Dead! (Bloodslides competition terminates in a two year brawl, with stabbing and slashing)
• 17,939 - Bloodslide Brawl
• 17,940 - Bloodslide Brawl Conclusion
  • In Conclusion Your Mother is a Wench (Half the Bloodslides contestants continue to stab each other, the other half return to Who's Got the Sharpest Axe)
  • Who's Got the Sharpest Axe (Top Half of the Points Rankings Enter Single Elimination)
• 17,941 - So Who Does Have the Sharpest Axe?
  • Who's Got the Sharpest Axe (Bottom Half of the Points Rankings Enter Single Elimination)
  • Who's Got the Sharpest Axe (Single Elimination Playoffs Begin)
• 17,942 - War Women Sharpest Axe Pageant
  • "Hello Boys" Special Bleeding Striptease Interlude
• 17,943 - No Really, Who's Got the Sharpest Axe?
  • Who's Got the Sharpest Axe (Quarterfinals)
  • Who's Got the Sharpest Axe (Semifinals)
• 17,944 - Dissolve any leftover Useless Bloodshed Gumbo with liberal amounts of Liquid of Lighthearted Stupefaction
  • Fooorrrrr Thaatchhh'ss A... Yeshhh Hehehe Ohhhh Thaaaaatttcchhh'ssshaaa Ha Hahaha Jolly Good Assscchhhheee...

* Scholars often cite B'Vunz's arrival long after the Useless Bloodshed had concluded as the primary reason that it continued for only ten years.