Back to Creatures

The Dressentors

Bogyn's Nastiness Rating: 44 (Horrifically Nasty)

Creature Families: Dyemonic, Furniturian

In 19,000 TLFotUM, the Dressentors, a race of demonic extra-dimensional ravenous flesh-eating dresser drawers, led by the Daemon Bureau, arrive to feast upon the world. They possess the power of flight and have razor-sharp grips for harvesting the flesh that feeds them and their dark god.

It is not known whether the Dressentors were Transchanted or came into being some other way; indeed it is not at all clear which of the multitudinous Planes these creatures came from (though the Demon Gate seems like a reasonable guess). It is known that they numbered in the millions, which put them in a real pickle. Their leader and god, the Daemon Bureau, could only hold eight of them at once. But every moment they spent separated from the Bureau was a lifetime of agony, while even a second nestled snug within the cedar confines of the Bureau was unspeakable ecstasy.

Well, the Daemon Bureau possessed an insatiable appetite for flesh, but no means of harvesting that flesh without the help of its drawers. And so it commanded its minions to bring it flesh. And a drawer full of freshly-harvested flesh earned each Dressentor a few blissful, pain-free moments as the Bureau consumed its share of the meat delivery. Then the Dressentor would whiz away, seeking further victims to bring blessed, fleeting relief from the agony of its existence. Once a plane had been stripped of all flesh, the Dressentors would inform their master, and it would perform some dark ritual that moved the whole Dressentor population to a new plane for consumption.

When the Dressentors arrived in Battal, they managed to wreak a fair bit of havoc, propelled by the arcane workings of their blood-stained deity. But eventually, they came upon the road where Char Reyarteb was waiting. Not for them--actually, he was waiting on some Nog at a roadside stand--but waiting just the same. Curious about the blood-soaked bureau (not to mention the multitude of drawers abruptly attempting to kill him), Char did the sensible thing and asked the barista to wait a moment.

The Daemon Bureau keeled over dead and decayed to dust before Char's eyes. Howling in pain they knew would never end, the Dressentors submitted to Char immediately. (It has since been theorized that whoever or whatever made the Dressentors keyed some kind of kill word to the Dressentor's leader. The world may never know.)

The entire sordid tale is related in the graphic novel Submission: Dressentors. Of all canonical works, it probably spends the least time in Battal, instead portraying plane after plane of destruction in the Dressentor's wake. The adult-oriented work Submission: CABINET is a pornographic and wholly unauthorized retelling of the same story.