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The Great Sulking of Great Warriors

When events overtake us, ordinary people moan and complain and average warriors blame the dullness of their blade or the weakness of their bowstring. Great Warriors however do not merely sulk, no, they undertake the Epic event known as Great Sulking. This is not your mama's sulking. Unless your mama happened to be Vaxin the Tiny, that is. While the specifics of the ritual vary from Great Warrior to Great Warrior, the core of the event runs roughly thus:

Great Sulking (Setup)

1. First engage in an Epic or Great Battle or War. For maximum irony, start said Battle or War over a drinking game with Righteous Boasts of Conquest
2. Voraciously attack your chosen opponent in some Great or Epic way. Suffer one of the following setbacks:

• A crushing defeat at the hands of your opponent's army
• A humiliating defeat in one-on-one combat, leading to the surrender or withdrawal of your army
• A debilitating siege lasting years where the town or village continues to function normally
• Some other terribly embarrassing Great Warrior fate

Once our Great Warrior has reached this stage a Great Sulking is practically assured and usually follows some kind of loose pattern:

Great Sulking (Action)

• Storm into your Command HQ and berate all your Generals loudly
• Murder at least one of them and promote any random soldier who happens to be near
• Retire to your Command Tent/Castle/Tower calling for a hearty meal and a barrel of ale
• Upgrade your request to include several virgins or whores or virgins/whores or virgin whores as desired
• Stomp around the place to the armoury and sharpen your axe or sword* vigorously
• Sit in black thunder pretending not to enjoy the lustful wails of your virgins or whores or virgin whores or whatever
• Stab, impale, maim and wound anyone who interrupts you for any reason regardless of what news they bring, or even before hearing their news

The one thing to remember in all cases is that the Sulking should be at the very least Great, if not positively Epic in its proportions.

* No, this is not a euphemism.