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The Kapiten (pronounced cuh-PIT-en)
The cruelly officious captain of the regimental city guard of Bizarkule who appears in the Tides of Epic Conflict Saga. Given the post when promoted to the rank of Boot Knight by the town berger, Morris Tenkalluns, the Kapiten never removes his knight's helm, even when he has removed the rest of his signiture red plate armor. Some suspect that this is because he's got some sort of disfiguring scar, others suspect that he is actually a criminal attempting to hide his true identity. Most suspect that he is just too pleased with his rank and station to want to take the thing off.
"Well, well... what have we here?" sneered The Kapiten, tapping his club against his armored palm. "Looks like quite a little setup you've got here."
"Oh, just selling my wares," stammered the merchant, "making an honest living."
"Honest living? Well, what about THIS!"
"That's my lunch."
The Kapiten pulled out his slate and began to take notes: "Hmm... 345.5 Violation, Unsanitary Conditions. Also a 540.9, Illegal Imprisonment of a Quadriped..."
"But that's just my dog! He's a pet!"
"Hmm... Beastiality is a 540.8.2 if I remember rightly..."
"But I'm BLIND! I can't go anywhere without this dog!"
"Oh, the old blind man grift, eh? I think I'll be escorting you to the stockade, varlet! What say you to that?"
"In this city the disabled are protected by laws that--"
"I AM THE LAW! As a representative of the Royal Infantry of Arrest and Abidance, I declare that these warez are stolen and to be confiscated immediately... along with all of your basic freedoms!" --Tides of Sicklemire
Housed in the Red Stone Barracks on the outskirts of Bizarkule, the Kapiten runs a tight ship, maintaining order and discipline among the ranks. It wasn't until he sent squire Percy Mulligan on what should have been a simple errand to procure 27 Guybarkleys of Potatoes that his neatly ordered world began to unravel.
The threat of a potato shortage in the face of the encroaching harsh Northern Sickle winter was a constant running thread throughout his tale. Although having little role in the larger Tides of Epic Conflict Saga, his side story was progressed through all three of the core novels of the saga, telling of his exploits as he attempted to catch Kettletrop Longerdunger in a provable misdeed for which he could lock the ne'er-do-well away. Unfortunately, his plodding officiousness was no match for the quick wit of Longerdunger, who always left the beleagered Boot Knight looking worse in the eyes of Berger Tenkalluns.
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