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Tycho Brahe escort scandal

Page history last edited by PBworks 16 years, 7 months ago

Back to Rumors

 

Tycho Brahe escort scandal

 

Refers to a series of websites Mr. Brahe put up 2005 and 2006. Is thought to be a result of permanent damage suffered in the drinking and pill binge.

 

First Attempt

 

In early 2005, Tycho Brahe made a post on a merchandise website offering his "pure", and "vigorously healthy" sperm for $2 million. Brahe, however, refused to sell it to anyone "who's into that furnie crap", or anyone who wasn't "descended from German soldiers of the 1940s or thereabouts". He also bragged that the offspring of such a process would surely end up "12 inches if he takes after his old man!"

 

He was also open to Unicornians, believing that having offspring with connections to the Unicornist faith would guarantee his spawnlings better success at "gettin' rich, baaybe."

 

Brahe promised to supply as much sperm as neccessary to complete a fertilization and delivery, but would charge a smaller fee of $1 million for every future attempt.

 

Brahe then commented that he could "deliver the package in person", for $50,000, but the fee would be waived for attractive people. He also added an additional stipulation to the offer, stating: "no fat chicks".

 

Second Attempt

 

In early 2006, Brahe made another website offering his services as an "escort *wink Whink nudge nudge* and stated that he was open to any woman ("or a really pretty dude, as long as I'm the pitcher") who would pay a fee of $50,000 for one night, plus expenses, travel, food, accomedations, STD-scanning, and grooming.

 

He advised his clients to "practice with like a baseball bat" to accomidate his "massive, totally gigantic, Godzilla-scale" size.

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