(Applause accompanied by the Later Show Band)

 

Host: Welcome back, everybody. Tonight's guest is famous for his work on the animated children's show, The Wizbits; he is a performance artist as well as the producer of the show and we're very lucky to have him tonight. I think the last time he gave a public interview was what? (Host speaks to someone off-camera. Inaudible response) Really? Late seventies sometime I'm being told. Either way let's not keep him waiting. Ladies and gentlemen, Mr. James Langomedes!

 

(The Wizbits themesong starts to play as JL walks out from behind the curtain)

 

(Applause, tempered with several hushed shocks at his appearance)

 

(JL sits)

 

Host: Welcome, Mr. Langomedes. I understand you just flew in from Chicago?

 

JL: (Inaudible mumbling while lighting cigarette)

 

Host: Okay, that's all right, just make yourself at home there. (Taps his pencil. Looks around.)

 

(Audience laughs as JL lights a cigarette and begins to ash into his own palm)

 

Host: Anyway, Chicago; I understand you might be setting up an animation studio there. Right now you are based out of Los Angeles; why the sudden desire to move?

 

JL: Dark things ruined my closet. Before I was able to evacuate the demons by fire I recall chiselling several words into my scalp. Momentarily visible before they healed...(indaudible mumbling). I found out that certain celestial alignments, as well as the converging leylines in the place you call "Chicago" are of far greater import. There were also...(long pause)

 

(At this point JL looks around at the audience with his eyes very wide as if he does not know where he is)

 

(More pausing, ashes fall into his beard and he seems to snap out of it while the host looks on awkwardly)

 

JL:...safety issues.

 

Host:(looking at audience) I...see.

 

(audience laughs awkwardly)

 

Host: Mr. Langomedes, my kids, Michael and Brent, are very fond of your television show and they threatened my life (chuckles) if I didn't ask you something for them...

 

(JL turns and stares at the host, his head is shaking slightly and he starts to ash his cigarette onto the desk.)

 

JL: Mmmm hmmm?

 

Host: My kids love the show but they said that there was an episode that never aired...and is this true? It involved the smurfs in some way? These kids with their internet said they found out that some of the episodes aired in Japan but never aired over here. Can you tell me anything about that?

 

(Host leans back in his chair, pretending to be a serious journalist that has asked a very serious question. The audience laughs at this.)

 

JL: No, no, no. No. We do not talk about that. That is not something that is discussed.

 

Host: C'mon, my kids would really appreciate it. I could sweeten the deal.

 

(Host pretends to rub money between his fingers)

 

Co-host Ron Wearing: Sweeten the deal, my friend. He wants to sweeten it.

 

(Audience laughs)

 

JL: This is not discussed (begins to raise voice and stand up)! We do not discuss THAT episode. It burned in the pyre and it shall stay at that! (slams fist on desk) You will feel great anguish when the time of ending comes! The great box has been pried! I have seen the gem! I have seen it with mine own eyes!

 

Host: Just calm down, James, just calm down now.

 

JL: Even when the foul things burned they screamed out my name and promised a thousand horrible things! (Here, Mr. Langomedes begins to shout and scream in some unintelligble language)

 

Host: Just calm down, now. Walt, can you get in here?

 

(The host beckons to one of the security officers off screen)

 

(Audience is whispering in shock, some audience members have begun to leave)

 

JL: Orga mana trora! Orga mana trora! The Unsundering of the world shall begin anew! All was real that was written! ORGA MANA TRORA!

 

(At this point the feed was cut to a "technical difficulty" screen. The last images were of members of the crew rushing to restrain Langomedes as he began to climb the host's desk, still shouting incoherently and chewing on his lit cigarette)