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Battle of The Very, Very, Very, Very Arcane Northern Realms

Page history last edited by API administrator user 12 years, 2 months ago

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Back to the Seventeen Final Battles of Book 12

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Battle of The Very, Very, Very, Very Arcane Northern Realms

 

"But this day was different. On this day, the history of the Arcane Northern Realms, already rife with bloody conflict over which realm was the most arcane, was about to come to a violent end. For during the night, ignorant of each other's presence, the armies of Elemenstor Zuumont and Dark Elemenstrix Kapybara had happened to set camp right next to each other. To the (ultimately short-lived) dismay of the Northern Realmians, this coincidence took place at the very heart of the Very, Very, Very, Very Arcane Northern Realms."

 

- The Elemenstor Cycle, Book 12 : End of the Hierarch Wars

 

The 11th Final Battle of the Hierarch Wars differs from the other Final Battles in that it wasn't scheduled. Zuumont was leading his army towards the Third and Final Battle of Timidity and Indecisiveness whereas Kapybara was already in a hurry to make it to the Battle of Furniliar Shards in time. Running into each other at the very heart of the Very, Very, Very, Very Arcane Northern Realms changed the plans for both Elemenstors, however.

 

This Final Battle features a record number of damsels in distress. Zuumont was traveling with 2,457 such damsels, while another 13,381 damsels were kept prisoner in Kapybara's camp. The numerous rescues, captures, re-rescues and re-captures of these 15,838 damsels (not to mention their... ah... gratitude) during the battle are among the most colorful scenes in the book. So much time was spent doing this that by the end of it Zuumont's archers had managed to construct the Bridge of the Eight Hundredth and Twenty Ninth Crossing using Spring Loaded Gap Crossers to facilitate the damsel exchange.

 

Zuumont soon finds himself outmatched by Kapybara and her army of Toilet Table Furniliars. While he's trying to tear the dress off his last remaining damsel (with the intent of using it as a white flag of surrender), the Dark Elemenstrix Kapybara suddenly self-destructs in a massive explosion, destroying her whole army and ending the distress of 15,837 damsels in a permanent manner. Zuumont emerges victorious.

 

Trivia

 

The Capture the Damsel Counter-Strike mod was inspired by this battle.

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