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Book 3

Page history last edited by Tim 11 years ago

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The Elemenstor Cycle, Book 3: The Rubion Sword


Dust Jacket Notes


The threat of Zenethir Foulblade has passed, and for generations the realms of Northern Battal exist in a state of relative calm. But in the shadows of Old Karpithon, an ancient evil awakes… the Xoxor Xxar. Freed from its timeless prison by the bumbling Elemenstor Bendloyer Felkin, the Xoxor will stop at nothing to gain the powers of the four elements for itself. Only one weapon is said to have the power to defeat the fearsome Xoxor and its unstoppable army of Evilnors: the Blade of Zonard. Fashioned of purest Rubian for Zonard the Sunderer, last of the Magic Sword Kings, the blade has been lost to history. With the world seemingly bereft of hope, a new hero must arise. And so the apprentice Fire Elemenstor Gavment Rayling sets out with a small band of friends to quest for the legendary Rubion Sword, and young Gavment's own Real Ultimate Destiny…


Book Highlights

  • In Chapter XXI, the Gavment's entire party nearly died of starvation after failing to catch and skin an elk.
  • Gavment stumbles upon a village of Ublarg, and befriends a young tablecloth named Gulrab.
  • The Magistrate Prophet Neighsayer Arcadus makes his famous appearance at Finkfru.
  • Staffmaestro Rodney instructs Gavment in art of Battlestaff posing, with particular emphasis on Pose Ke. Rodney goes on at great length about the outrageous assertion in the fictional world of SET:HToLE that Battlestaff posing is not a true martial art and is rather affected purely for the purpose of looking good on fantasy novel dust jackets. This is the first time SET:HToLE is mention the series.
  • The both nefarious and ambulatory half-brothers, Comfortable-Looking Sofa and Too Soft Mattress plague Gavment and party throughout.
  • Grimfleur appears to Gavment with misleading promises at a critical moment.
  • The Satchel makes its appearance right before the party reaches the village of Dwarfsdown, where they discover that all the structures have been burned to the ground in brutal Evilnor raid.
  • An unnamed bard later revealed to be Bendloyer Felkin him/herself, in The Griffled Duck, first recounts the poem of The Bravery of the Doomed, which appears only in Book 3 in its entirety, but is quoted at least in fragments throughout the rest of the cycle.
  • This is the book which details the rules of Agash, as it is played between two drunkards in the aforementioned unnamed tavern.
  • Taking time out from pillaging and burning, the evil minions of Xoxor take time out to have an afternoon picnic in a sunny meadow near the Dread Caverns of Lo'os. It is here that an eggplant of an otherworldly shade of purple is described, foreshadowing the rise of the Dyemon-Ghost MooMaa.
  • An intriguing sub-plot involving a rebellious turkey takes place in the Crestplains. In one of the author's trademark plot-twists, this storyline is abruptly terminated in the epic Anti-Climax of Northeastern Crestplains.
  • At first thought to be written from a third person perspective, it is eventually revealed that the entire book is written from the first person perspective of Anonymous Third Person Observer.
  • First appearance of Raunch Iron, a grumbly old man who was a Clerical Healer. Somewhat "Bloody Minded" to humorous effect.
  • Tyrose is the first documented victim of a Whatsinyeeargh, a variation of the magic puzzlebox







From Chapter XIV,


Gavment Rayling considered what the dirty-faced man was offering him. He could not deny the wealth that he had just been shown, but still doubts raged within his fierce mentality. He returned, “But why would you be willing to part with such miraculous treasure? Surely it is better for you to keep it to yourself, but you claim to have not only brought it with you, but left it where you found it, and now point another man to its secret place of repose.”


Grimfleur flourished his hands wildly as he explained, “It generates an infinite amount of wealth! By its very nature, more than one man can ever need! I already have 3,895,074 rubies for myself, enough to satisfy me the rest of my life. All you need is to go and claim it.” As he waved his arms about, Gavment probably thought for a moment he could see a greenish glint from within the cloak whipping about, but dismissed the notion.


Gavment considered the proposition even further, desperate now for a reason to mistrust this strangely clad man. It was said that to leave the Shortcut was deepest doom, but he had seen this stranger leap up from its gutters with no difficulty. Clearly the warning was no more than uncertain myth. His face scrunching with resistance, he accomplished at last, “But if you have an infinite amount of wealth... why are you dressed like that?”


From Chapter XI.7


Gan Pline was impressed by his own largess. He was drunk with the power given to him as Grand Satrap of Ardelburg and handed out forgiveness or punishment as he saw fit. Not capriciously, oh no, never outside of his own strict internally devised moral structure; his pyramid of law as he referred to it in his internal monologues. Breaking from his reveree he looked up across the table from him at the well dressed Cheese Baron, then his icy blue eyes drifted back down to the sack of coins which had been pushed across the table toward him. The rough sack was drooping into his plate of runny eggs and he grabbed it hastily, a stream of thick yellow ooze tracking the swift arcing motion of his hand as he tucked the bag into an unseen pocket. He smiled his thin smile again at the Baron and returned to his musings without saying a word.





"The Rubion Sword is the single greatest work of fiction it is possible to produce in the modern English language. Why people continue to write new books when the race is already fucking over, people is beyond my ability to comprehend." - Chris Doucette, on Hard Copy

"An unforgettable read (...) The Rubion Sword stays with you forever." - Charlton C. Mayze


The Rubion Sword was actually released before Book 2, with extensive footnotes and appendices that contained explanations of the relevant parts of the second volume. The full version of Book 2 would not be published until 2004. The daring publishing move attracted attention to the series, including a noted review by Harold Bloom.


See Also: CoolCats. 3,895,074. High Culimancer Bertrick. The Rubion Sword. Clerical Healer. Gulrab. Captain Tev. Uregor the Humble. Canonical ELotH Sexuality. Bag of the Endless Void. Bathtub Furniliars. Fictional Author Theory. Dread Caverns of Lo'os. Elohim and the Plural of Elemenstor. One, Two, Three, Four, Evilnors at the Door. Slate Grey. Quailheart. Bluster. Literary Criticism. Book 2. Tomte. Pizzlewali. Tyrose. Dwarfsdown. Redback. Elemanifestations. Splash. Ablongox the Particularly Unusually Long Lived. Linuxium. Wiseman Stet. Comfortable-Looking Sofa. The Unnamed Mystery Character Designer Who Wishes to Remain Anonymous*. Ardelburg. Book 6. Mists over Blee. Anti-Climax of Northeastern Crestplains. Grimfleur. Mort and the Yogurt of Doom. Bag of the Not-so-Endless Void. Infinite Ruby Generator. Middleclang. The Elemenstor Cycle. The Daunting Turban. Blasteroids. Lackobacillus. MooMaa. Availability. Evilnors. The Satchel. Canon or non-canon. Excerpts from the cycle that are recounted here. Dugba Scissor Tribe. magic puzzlebox. Ublarg. The Bravery of the Doomed. Nepanor the Nonchalant. Penny Arcade Conspiracy Theory. Rhinosaurs. Anonymous Third Person Observer. Gavment. Quotable Quotes. Fllustoril the Exiled Elf. Too Soft Mattress. Ahmawn Stick Witch University. Agash. Xoxor Xxar. FfaTTBE. Second Great Elemenstation War. Book 4. Norbo the Itinerant Investigator. Self-Devouring Magpies. Raunch Iron. The Song of the Sorcelator. The Griffled Duck. Bendloyer Felkin. RealLifeTimeLine. Something Wicker This Way Comes. Notable Common Phrases and Idioms. Elemenstor Cycle Timeline. Staffmaestro Rodney. Arcadus. Continental Plate Armor. Book 3 Review by Mayze.




Someone needs to discuss the importance of Grimfleur in this volume. His chicanery is one of my favorite parts of the book.
I've put up a little bit of the part right before Gavment jumps off the shortcut. I'd put up more but I'm worried about spoiling it for people.



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