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Cuddlings

Page history last edited by PBworks 13 years, 4 months ago

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Cuddlings

The cuddlings were a shameful attempt at marketing ELotH:TES to the relatively untapped demographic of females between the ages of 0 and infinity. Considering that the marketers of the official ELotH:TES merchandise decided this was too large of a market to try and serve, they narrowed it down to girls between the ages of 11-13, and the occasional 20 year old anime fangirl with a Hello Kitty (tm) backpack.

 

Considering that the Cuddlings never were officially considered ELotH:TES canon in any way shape or form, having never appeared upon any cards or within any books, (Not even the roleplaying game sourcebooks.) they were able to receive a disturbingly phenomenal level of support from the rabid and teeming masses of pre-teen girls willing to plop down a few extra dollars for something small and cuddly in stuffed animal form.

 

The appearance of Cuddlings, since they are not considered canonical, varies widely, partially because of the fact that the merchandising executives behind the ELotH:TES Stuff'd Friendz line of plush toys subcontracted the plush little snoogums from several different factories in several different third world countries filled with illiterate children who couldn't read the directions given to them, but also due to the near sickening level of fan treatment and stuffed animal modification (Also known as 'franken-stuffing') that was performed by the teeming masses of girls 11-13, and 20 year old anime fanatics with Hello Kitty backpacks. (Coincidentally, it seemed that the Merchandising execs inadvertently also gained a small following of Fancy Men who also quite enjoyed the cute little suckers.)

 

The descriptions range from the cute, to the obscene, (It seems some of the shipments of Cuddlings may have been mixed up with shipments of demonically possessed toys meant for the Holy Incinerator.) though the common template from which all variances are based on is simple: A small, white, furry cube covered with dots and connected to another small, furry cube also covered with dots. Glitter and googly eyes added for effect.

 

Despite the relative 'evilness' of such mass marketing greed, and the fact that hardcore ELotH:TES fans consider them laughable at best, abhorrent at worst, this doesn't stop rabid 11-13 year old girls from posting large posts on official ELotH:TES message boards full of Heart signs <3 and bad grammar, and when told of the canonical inaccuracy of Cuddlings by other members or when said members make any effort to try and educate said fans, they simply go into a nonsensical rant about the cuteness of cuddlings or begin humming a song and plugging their ears with their fingers. (Which they obviously can't do through a bboard forum, though some poetic license is given to those who relate the tales.)

 

The tremendous success of the product did indeed lead to further inclusion of these creations into canon. A special collectors set of Heart Elemenstor Cuddlings came with a novelization of their adventures entitled How the Cuddlings Saved Harbinger Portent. Although the tone is very different from most Elemenstor literature, the events are plausible enough to consider that some variant of them may fit into canon. The humorous villain of the piece, Noxious Gloat, gained enough popularity amongst older readers that he has begun to show up in other pieces of canon, however. Chiefly seen on merchandise geared at "hip" 20-somethings who think being ironic about a children's toy makes them look cool, spouting his famous catchphrase: "After teatime, I will take over the world!"

 

The home plane of the Cuddlings is Pelago Lai, a plane that until that point had only been referenced obscurely by the ELotH: TES Player's Handbook.

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