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Edwin of Historic Girth

Page history last edited by API administrator user 12 years, 3 months ago

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Edwin of Historic Girth

 

Edwin of Historic Girth (20,035 - 20,147) was one of the greatest Stream Elemenstors who ever lived. His exact weight is unknown, but it said to be equal to the weight of his Furniliar, the Giant Lead Jenga, which, being made of solid lead, was not even a little light. For these reasons, it makes sense that Edwin would master the Stream Element and develop formidable telekinetic powers, letting the Universe do the moving for him.

 

Edwin had complete control over every piece of the semi-sentient Giant Lead Jenga, and when it was not serving him drinks, it was being hurled at roughly the speed of sound toward Edwin's adversaries, almost always as part of his perfected Jenga Shitstorm Shock Attack. Edwin was often heard to remark, "JENGA, bitch!" after his many brief, decisive battles.

 

Edwin would sadly meet his end not from lead poisoning (as most other Elemenstors were betting at 3:1 odds), but rather, from a woman. This woman is none other than Alextrasia the Betitted, Mistress of the Iron Corset, and Bitch Supreme of the Leather Queens of Heelspike Tower. While Alextrasia is well known for delighting in forbidden erotic passions and the fermenting of human misery, she also has her hobbies, one of them being the study of Carry Elemenstation. After getting Edwin thoroughly liquored up in a game of strip poker (witnesses, now stricken blind for some unknown reason, say they cannot recall what Edwin looked like naked), Alextrasia made a feint of attacking Edwin, who immediately summoned his Giant Lead Jenga. Alexstrasia quickly used the semi-dark powers of the Carry Element to immobilize the Jenga in midflight, crushing Edwin in a very literal sense.

 

"JENGA, bitch!" --Edwin of the Historic Girth

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