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Jeremuth and the Threat of Invisigoths

Page history last edited by bfg00 16 years, 3 months ago

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Jeremuth and the Threat of Invisigoths

 

Background

 

This legend, like most legends, is based on the true story of the meeting of Jeremuth Swiftkill and Lady Sporath. Over time the original story, which was just a simple love story about the two meeting in the land of Parsonya was broadened into a bloody gorefest with the love story only appearing as an excuse to include lewd descriptions of Lady Sporath and her heaving, sweaty busom, certain retellings also include her furniliar, Tammy, but those are too disturbing to recount here. This story is now mainly told in taverns as it is deemed too graphic for children or those with strict moral standards. Below is a summary of the legend as it was recounted in ElemenstorLance The Heroes Quartology: The Cerulean Circle, the tale is alluded to in many other books but never recounted in full.

 

Legend

 

Jeremuth, having acquired the legendary Anguished Scimitar of Wrist-Cutting in a previous adventure, wanders through the land of Parsonya. As he travels he hears rumors from various people that he meets that there is a great threat looming on the horizon that threatens to destroy all that King Goodlycooper had forged. However Jeremuth ignores these rumors and rather spends alot of time brooding and sleeping with various wenches to feel better about himself. When he is about to reach the capital, DragonBone, he sees a cloud of dust rising on the horizon and spots running before it a very beautiful (and busty) half naked woman, particular attention is paid to describing the woman in extremely graphic detail. She spots Jeremuth and shouts at him that the Invisigoths are coming, then she runs and cowers behind Jeremuth who, still brooding, pulls out his Scimitar. What follows is an epic bloodbath as Jeremuth mercilessly slaughters the Invisigoths who spray blood all over the battle field. Apparently the Scimitar is exceedingly deadly against the Invisigoths. As it turns out that all of them are just a bunch of invisible goth kids (it is later revealed that they were heading to DragonBone to visit Oblivion on the Long Road because they had a good deal on Vintage Shirts of Strangling). After slaughtering the entire hoard and drenched in blood Jeremuth turns to Lady Sporath and bemoans his lot. Apparently Lady Sporath is so turned on by this that they make mad love, again described in disturbing detail, right then and there.

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