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The NightLairds


Bogyn's Nastiness Rating: 142 (Incomprehensibily Nasty)


The 23 NightLairds ruled the dreaded Lands of Va with an iron fist. They were completely impervious to all forms of damage, except for their one weakness: Boiling mercury.


Nine feet tall and always wearing heavy and badly battered dark grey plate armor, no part of the skin of the NightLairds was exposed. The helmet of their armor protruded forward in almost a duck like way, and it is unknown if this is in order to compensate for an usual physiology or a stylistic flair to the already rather eccentricly constructed armor. What a NightLaird may look like under the armor was the subject of a fair amount of fan debate, some fans even putting forth that perhaps they were just animated armor all along.


The NightLairds were dreaded for their cruel mastery of language, which fuelled their habit of flaying alive any traveller who uses adjectives. The child protagonists of Book 7 managed to talk their way into the NightLairds' sanctuary, the Halls of Va, using only the third person subjunctive tense and prepositions, then spent nearly sixty pages of Book 7 as prisoners of the NightLairds, conversing entirely in verbs for fear of their captors overhearing (Known to fans as the Action Sequence.


The NightLairds gathered more than a handful of lost Moppets, controlling them by feeding them Strawberry Deathcakes. The Moppets roamed the Land of Va, bringing unfortunate travelers (or the remains of them) to the NightLairds for judgement.


The NightLairds were finally destroyed when the children tricked all 23 of the NightLairds into stepping backwards into a vat of boiling mercury which the NightLairds had carelessly left uncovered, allowing them to claim the iron fist and continue their journey through the perilous Lands of Va.


The NightLairds

  1. Mjaestrom the Red Cloaked
  2. Ninnygimber Pie Flaken
  3. Shilo the Lawspeaker




Anybody remember the names of others? I know there were 23 of them.

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