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Porkfry website


I'm Porkfry. ELotH:TES has a special place in my heart because I was one of the founding creators of it with Gabe, Tycho, and Clinton back at the Emerald City comic con. (Little known fact, I created the word Elemenstor/Elemenstation (which as you know is the act of a Elemenstor Elemensting.)).


I just want you all to know that this is the coolest thing ever! I mean, at a root this whole thing is exactly what we said it would be...rather, when we first were creating the universe we invisioned it as being something that dorks like you and I would make up with their friends. Picture you sitting around with your dork friends at coffee one night brainstorming the best ideas you could have for an RPG or a CCG or an MMO or any other Three Letter Acronym (TLA) All of them using their dork powers to create something totally awesome!


Side note: I'm not actually sure if this is what this page (I mean the one about me in the contributors section) is supposed to be about, but I really wanted to tell you guys all this stuff, so yeah, think of it like some hard core secret canon type shit I'm layin down that you can refer to about things! This will be like E! True Elemenstation Stories!


When Tycho told me about his ideas for this site there were a few things that came out of the days at the Emerald City comic con that I had to make sure were put in. That being Ice Elemenstors and the Item Laws and some other stuff that I'll tell you all about.


You see, the Ice Elemenstor was a pretty big part of it (along with the Dark Elemenstor). We listed out things like how a High Elemenstor (which is now the Grand Elemenstor) had a Wand this wand was not only a huge sign of where they were in the pecking order of other elemenstors, but only the High Elemenstor (read: Grand Elemenstor) would have it, so the idea that (speaking of the Comic) a level 27 High Dark Elemenstor could be all like "Ice Wand" meant only one thing...That Dark Elemenstor killed the Ice elemenstor and took his wand (Which also is a nice lead it for why a person playing the CCG would be able to be a Dark Elemenstor and have a wand from a High Elemenstor of a different school of elemenstation.


(Note: If an Elemenstor was a High Elemenstor and they decided to become a Dark Elemenstor but they had the respective wand for their previous elemenstaion type they would give the Wand back to the high elemenstaion group when they left. Its just some weird thing that they do. Kind of like, its only real to have said wand if they kill the high elemenstor who has it...otherwise its just not the same).


We kind of saw them being like Light Sabers, only not as cool (like they don't build it themselves. The Wands were built by some other wand person who's been long sense dead and these are the last of said wands, hence why they're so important) and only one type of super Elemenstor would have one. The wands are hot shit! So make sure when you guys write about them make them super hard core awesome. I actually only put that they were reserved for the Grand Elemenstor and figured you guys would iron out their awesome abilities and such. Suggestions from me: Make some cards for the CCG based on the wands.


Then we move on to the Item Laws. From all the RPGS we've ever played there have always been items with these totally crazy names that could do all this weird shit. So we figured, what if those items were actually watched over by a group of people that made laws about them. Enter the Item Law Makers Guild. So some back story on where we took it and where I'd like to take the ILMG.


So as you know the ILMG stands above all courts in all things related to items. Law 1 was the biggest thing. We wanted the items to have to be made unique. So that what you ended up having were these items that in order to stay within the law, would have these really long and totally weird names. So like in the Comic there was Dagon's 8th Sword Of Power Against Wood. Ok so picture Dagon out there creating an item and he wanted to make "Dagon's 8th Sword Of Power Against people" but that was already taken, as well as the options for against, fire, water, dirt, feet, goats, food, metal, sand, and air....so the only options he has left are (lets just say) Wood and Outer Space. So he picks wood. So he has to have a wood enchant put on it and bam! You have Dagon's 8th Sword Of Power Against Wood.


The ILMG keeps going on. All of the items are tracked via the Lixi Gem and kept in their very large and very crude Item Tracking Database (that's made up of rocks and twigs and goat bladders and mice ears and little bits of glass...for as low tech as they are they made it work). {NOTE: The following is what Tycho, Clinton and I (Gabe at this point thought we were dorks and resorted to talking to fans about WoW) came up with as to the current state of the ILMG and also the world. This is some heavy shit. Please make note.}


Present day in the ELotH:TES universe. The ILMG has been around for quite some time and they're running into a problem. But this problem isn't one that the general populace of Elemenstors knows about. That being...They're running out of item names. So to bring you up to speed real quick with where we were with all this. NOTE I have ADHD and I write about things with where my mind is going, I'll bring it all back but I need to give you guys the back story of how we had the world at the con that day.


It all started with the types: Fire, Air, Earth and actually Ice (not water...Big ups to my Ice Elemenstors in the HOUSE!). The Elemenstors would fight each other and the people that weren't elemenstors would just do their thing. See, the elemenstors of the time all followed their respective schools and there would be dojo like places a young elemenstor would go to learn elemenstation. Past that the only thing that they really wanted was to become a Hight Elemenstor (of their respective types) and also to get loot. Think about it. You've got a world where the items are all bound by Hundreds of thousands of laws and at the top of them, the Law 1 keeps them all unique. So what is the result going to be? People who are on a constant search for more loot! We pictured an Elemenstor having rings on every finger, a necklace on, earings in, toe rings on bracers, and bracelets in addition to an enchanted staff, magical clothes, man you name it, if said Elemenstor was wearing it it was geared for asskicking! At a base level, Elemenstors are Magical Pimps (sans the hookers). I mean they got Bling for DAYS!


The big problem started to show up that, statistically within the year they were going to run out of names. The higher ups of the ILMG started to panic. I mean think about it, it's been thousands of years and they've dictated what's gone on item wise, but by the end of the year, they'll be little need for them. Hell you'll only need one or two guys to watch the database and make sure things are ok, but a huge group of higher ups aren't going to be needed to create and enforce laws. Meetings were held and tons of ideas where thrown out. Things like, creating new words, taking words from other languages, creating a secret group to destory items only to remake them to keep up the idea that new items were being created. When a suggestion came in. What about looking into Dark Elemenstaion?


Side Note Dark Elemenstaion was originally created as being a place where an elemenstor would go once they've learned about elemenstaion from a different school. We invisioned it as being like someone spending 4 years in collage getting ready for their undergrad stuff only to find that they don't agree with the stuff they've learned this whole time and then they pick up a brochure for Dark Elemenstaion and then follow the path. So a Dark Elemenstor might have followed Fire Elemenstion to begin with but then went on and became a Blood Elemenstor NOTE Blood Elemenstation was one of the Dark ones we created at the con. They did various Blood related things, but the problem was that they were constantly coverded in blood. This was like Carrie covered in pigs blood type shit. So they'd use their powers and BAM covered in blood. Constantly covered in blood.


(Back to the story) Dark Elemenstaion was looked down on becuse it didn't follow the rules (which was actually (at the con) as far as we understood the rules to go...we just knew that "dark elemenstation didn't follow the rules" which was why the normal Elemenstors didn't like it). So the Idea of the ILMG working with the Dark Elemenstors to create new items from their words was not something that they wanted the general populace to find out.


NOTE Canon wise, no one ever finds this out. It makes it easier story line wise to continue to create items if no one finds out, so I'm telling you now, no one but those who are members of the ILMG know and if they do know they sure as hell won't tell anyone else because this is thier bread and butter here. So there's no Sneaky guy who has a dark shadowy past who knows and lets it slip. No one knows and everyone keeps it quiet and if they do know, they either actually know and won't say anything or do know and think they're doing something else which ultimately means that they don't really know.


I suppose I should tell you about the Name Tomes and the Name Finders. Ok so....on one hand you have these things that are called the Name Tomes. The name tomes span all of the "Legal" (Just so you know Dark Elemenstation is Illegal)...(Legal Elemenstation types being, Air, Water, Fire, Ice (/me throws up the horns), Earth, "Heart", and Life) Although understand I'm adding "Life" because it dosnt' seem "dark". Everyting else is against the law. (now what law...no one is sure...we kind of saw it like the law of some king or government or someone who makes laws about things that aren't Item related but should be listened to because they make laws!)


The Name Tomes are tomes that come from every (legal) branch of Elemenstation and are used to find names. In the naming of items you have the prefix and the suffix. The item that is magical in some way will have a prefix and a suffix or an item can have just a prefix or just a suffix (Example Firey axe of the Goat. The Prefix is "Firey" the suffix is "of the Goat" - If the item just had the prefix it would be "Firey Axe" or if it just had the suffix it would be the "Axe of the Goat". Items can also have a prefix before the prefix that will further define it (due to the Item Laws the more words the better) so you'd have (for example) Claygon's 18th Level Intransigent Ring Of Controlling the pre-prefix is "Claygon's 18th level" then the prefix is "Intransigent" suffix is "of controlling".


Early on in an Elemenstor's life finding work is hard to do, so 9 times out of 10 they will become Name Finders. Name finders are contract workers who are employed by the ILMG to search through hundreds of thousands of tomes and check and double check and cross-reference and double cross-reference item names to help find new available names. What will end up happening is that the ILMG will have young Elemenstors from the different schools look in their respective Name Tomes to find the names. Contracts can go on as long as needed, but usually they only keep them there for a few months as to not give anyone enough time to learn the big secret.


This also creates a situation where the ILMG is able to slip in books of Dark Elemenstaion under the guise that they're old books of different types of legal elemenstation. The Name Finders don't question, they're just happy to work and due to the sheer number of Name Tomes that exist, they really never "catch on" as it were.


So you have all of these Name Finders in libraries searching through book after book after book hoping to find some name that hasn't been taken...lets not forget that we're secretly throwing in books that pertain to Dark Elemenstation...so what do you get?


You get things like the 28th level Invisibility ring of Blood - Which ends up being a ring that makes the user turn invisible but at the same time covers them with a different kind of blood each time...gopher bloood? dolphin blood? chicken blood? No one is really sure. They just know that if it has the word "blood" in the name...you're going to be coverd in blood every time you use it.


The Item Laws were something we pictured as being super restirctive almost to the point of being absurd, but were also very strange. Laws that when read the reader could tell that they missed the reason why the law was created but they knew something had to have happened for the law to be put into place. For example: Law 17.


However on the other hand the laws are also so restrictive that it almost makes it impossible to even make an item without either being fined or killed.


Ok so there is all that, I'll more than likely add to this once I remember all the stuff but for now that's a good enough chunk. I'm more than likely going to create a page where we can talk about the Item laws and such.


Here is the following stuff I've done on said Wiki:


The ElemenStore

Item Laws

Item Law Makers Guild

High Ultimate Item Law book of Item Laws

The Brotherhood of the Unliquid Water

Resc Vored <-- PIMP!


Lixi Gem


Tertain's Pain Box

Item Creators License


And I think I did some other stuff, which I'll add when I remember.


ok I hope you all enjoyed reading that and I'll update this when I remember more stuff.


Tell all your friends to read this so that they'll use this info to help build the universe.


Oh yeah and help make more Item laws!


I've chronicled this story in Quintak's Burden, pretty much pulling large blocks of text directly from this page. Let me know if that's cool or not. -Tim



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