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Red Turbo Swamp Slime Raccoon Rider

Page history last edited by API administrator user 11 years, 8 months ago

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Red Turbo Swamp Slime Raccoon Rider

These creatures live in The Dank. They ride, rather unsurprisingly Red Turbo Swamp Slime Raccoon

The riders spend their time zipping around on their mounts, stealing everything that isn't nailed down. The Tribbits Have managed to come to an agreement with the R.T.S.S.R. Riders, meaning the only way to travel through the Dank is with the Tribbits aid.

 

Direct To Video Episodes

The R.T.S.S.R Riders were the subject of an extremely ill fated cartoon, available only by sending in seventeen proofs of purchase from Hahanama's Pickled Artichoke Hearts Paste. Only two episodes are known to have been produced, but the collaborative artichoke paste eating abilities of the entire New York ELOHTES fan club was able to produce enough proofs of purchase for only the first video, "Go Red Turbo Swamp Slime Raccoon Racers, Go!"

 

Each episode was only seven and a half minutes long, three minutes of which were taken up by the theme song, whose first verse went:

 

Go Go Red Turbo Swamp Slime Raccoon Racers,

riding your Red Turbo Swamp Slime Raccoons,

racing other Red Turbo Swamp Slime Racooon Riders,

Swamp Slime Racoons go VOOM VOOM VOOM!

 

At this point, the theme song should have continued, but it appears that either the tape was damaged, the voice actor passed out from a lack of oxygen, or jaw cramps set in.

 

Interestingly a copy of the draft of the theme song was found in one of the jars of artichoke paste consumed by the New York ELOHTES fan club, it was left un-found for some time (due to the stomach cramps). Although the final copy was never found this at least gives us some indication of what may have happened in the rest of the series. The total draft as found on the New York ELOHTES fan club's web site (grammatical and spelling errors left in):

 

Go Red Turbo Swamp Slime Raccoons Racers,

ride you're Red Turbo Swamp Slime Roccooms,

race the other Red Tubo Swamp Slime Racoons,

Swamp Slime Racoons go VOOM VOOM VOOM!

 

Go Red Turbo Swamp Slime Racoon Racers,

ride your Red Turbo Swamp Slime Raccoons,

free your Red Turbo Swamp Slime Raccoons breeding fathers,

Swamp Slime Racoons go VOOM VOOM VOOM!

 

Go Red Turbo Swamp Slime Racoon Racers,

ride your Red Turbo Swamp Slime Raccoons,

defeat the mysterious Red Turbo Swamp Slime Raccoon Racer W,

Swamp Slime Racoons go VOOM VOOM VOOM!

 

Go Red Turbo Swamp Slime Racoon Racers,

ride your Red Turbo Swamp Slime Raccoons,

also defeat the midly more mysterious Green Turbo Swamp Slime Raccoon Racer,

Swamp Slime Racoons go VOOM VOOM VOOM!

 

Go Red Turbo Swamp Slime Racoon Racers,

ride your Red Turbo Swamp Slime Raccoons,

enter and then win the great Quilder prize in, the great Raccoon Rally,

Swamp Slime Racoons go VOOM VOOM VOOM!

 

Go Red Turbo Swamp Slime Racoon Racers,

ride your Red Turbo Swamp Slime Raccoons,

defeat the mysterious Red Turbo Swamp Slime Raccoon Racer W,

Swamp Slime Racoons go VOOM VOOM VOOM!

 

Go Red Turbo Swamp Slime Racoon Racers,

ride your Red Turbo Swamp Slime Raccoons,

watch out for that, oh, well, never mind now, I mean you already hit it,

Swamp Slime Racoons go VOOM VOOM VOOM!

 

Go Red Turbo Swamp Slime Racoon Racers,

ride your Red Turbo Swamp Slime Raccoons,

defeat the mysterious Red Turbo Swamp Slime Raccoon Racer W,

Swamp Slime Racoons go VOOM VOOM VOOM!

 

Go Red Turbo Swamp Slime Racoon Racers,

ride your Red Turbo Swamp Slime Raccoons,

defeat the mysterious Red Turbo Swamp Slime Raccoon Racer W,

Swamp Slime Racoons go VOOM VOOM VOOM!

 

The story, as best interpreted through the lengthy title sequence, is that Doctor Faster bred a new type of Red Turbo Swamp Slime Raccoon, the Red Hyper-Turbo Swamp Slime Raccoon. Matt Faster, his son, races the Hyper Turbo Swamp Slime Racoon. Matt's brother was killed by falling Quilder in what might not have been an accident while racing through Raccoon Ralley Valley at the base of Mount Wor. Recently, a mysterious racer appeared on a Green Turbo Swamp Slime Raccoon. Certain comments from the mysterious rider indicate that he may in fact be Matt's brother ("Now we will see who is the faster Faster, brother). Trinta's Father breeds Swamp Slime Raccoons, the fastest of which is Ricardo, who is deemed too dangerous for any normal Racer to ride. Trinta disguises herself by stuffing her hair into the ears of her Swamp Raccoon so that she can race as "Racer W". Doctor Faster was being held for ransom by a remarkably quilp like villain, whose name I don't remember, but Matt Faster had only three days to train for, and win the Raccoon Ralley to earn the Quilder to free his father. The timeline here is somewhat muddled, as we know that the Raccoon Ralley is held only once every fourth year, and the act of qualifying alone requires two and a half years, one of which is spent buried in slime in the Dank.

 

Despite the limited time, like all ELotH:TES material, the story is surprisingly deep, leaving many unanswered questions, such as -

 

  • Was the Green Turbo Swamp Slime Racoon Racer really Matt Faster's brother?
  • Would Trinta's father ever have allowed her to race Ricardo, the dangerously fast, but free spirited Swamp Slime Racoon who could only be tamed through the love of a teenage girl?
  • Why did no one realize that "Swamp Racer W" was really Trinta with her hair tucked into the ears of Ricardo?
  • Would Trinta allow Matt to win in order to buy his father's freedom in the great Mount Wor race?

 

Sadly, we can only speculate.

 

Trivia:

  • The animation for this series was pieced together from other canceled shows. The animation for Trinta was produced by a chinese animation shop that specialized in Pornography. The result is that almost every scene of Trinta features a "Come Hither" look which due to editing, appears to be directed toward Ricardo.
  • Trinta is almost wearing the Armor of Fullchesthood in several shots.

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