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The Great War Of The Warlords

Page history last edited by PBworks 15 years, 2 months ago

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The Great War of the Warlords

The Great War of the Warlords, also known as the War where Warriors Warred, occured between 13534 and 13556 (TU). Few details of the actual war survive, except all of these: Elvern Thrice Impaled, Dorak Quill-In-Eye, Narlon of the Eighteen Oozing Wounds, and Marat Eater of Undercooked Fish argued over the way to split the bill at a small restaurant in Quilpopolis. Narlon had paid for his portions in Richards, the currency from his area, and apparently the unfavorable exchange rate led to Narlon paying less than his portion. Bloodshed ensued.


After years of bloody battle in which bloody battles were battled, Harmak the Horny, an elder among the Quilp, was asked to mediate. Harmak and Magnus Silver Spatula, the leader of the Warrior Chefs of Battal, negotiated for weeks just to discover the source of the original grievance. They succeeded where others had failed because Quilp are excellent listeners, because most are blind, having lost their sight in various Quilder related accidents. This makes them good negotiators, but horrible at picking paint. Harmak, for instance, chose a color called "Gravalakurtamania" for his ante chamber, and human visitors for years clawed out their eyes in madness rather than gaze upon it. Not much is known of Magnus except that it is likely that he forged the Rusted Spoon of Discontent.


Harmak, once he understood the dispute was about money, was greatly moved. Taking Quilder from his own back, he distributed them to each of the warlords, except for Marat, who was ill, having eaten an undercooked Fishy Trout the night before, and was unable to attend the negotiations that morning. The Warlords were simultaneously delighted to be given Quilder worth far more than the amount in dispute, and horrified by the accidents that befell each as they traveled home. Marat later became a great warlord, though much poorer than the estates of the other warlords.

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