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The War of the Item Guilds

-30,425 to -28,872

Introduction

As Men, Elves, Dwarves, and a myriad of other lesser-known peoples began to populate Battal, they almost immediately turned their attention to magic and the fashioning of "cool stuff" from the very essences of the world they inhabited. It was only natural that their two loves would combine, though it is uncertain at what point in history that it happened (much like the meeting of Peanut Butter and Chocolate).

As is the case with nearly any group of tradesmen/craftsmen, the multitudes of Item Makers across Battal would form powerful Guilds that wielded not only great wealth and influence, but a great wealth of destructive magical items. As the Item Guilds began to clash with one another over exclusive sales territory and intellectual property rights, it was inevitable that at some point violence would ensue.

One of the first of the many world-shaping wars of Battal, The War of Items Guilds would not soon be forgotten. In fact, it seemed almost impossible for anyone to forget it, because of how darned Epic and full of Epicness the whole thing was. That and the fact that the Lawmakers were always reminding people.

One of the more positive aspects was the unification of the Dwarven peoples by the Brothers of the Magic Forge.

Timeline Events

• -30,425 : Members of The Westron Landes Magickal Itemmes Guild clash with The Guild of Westron Magickal Itemmes over sphere of influence in the Northern Vale, though none of its peoples have any money. Almost immediately, they form alliances with other Magic Item Guilds to combat each other.

• -30,410 : Most all of the alliances between Guilds break, resulting in an all out "free-for-all" between Guilds. Battles begin to spring up all over Battal. Most people give up buying magical items altogether, since it is likely to enrage some sort of competing item making guild and get you in trouble.

• -30,289 : The Magic Wood Carvers Society and The Guild of Enchanted Woods and Leathers clash with independent Elfin item-makers at a very confusing battle outside of Lol'thoriun. It is unclear who is on which side, and the combatants are often reduced to closing their eyes and swinging a weapon.

• -29,901 : The Ringlings are utterly defeated by the Dwarven Brothers of the Magic Forge. Mostly it was because their rings weren't nearly as powerful as they'd expected, and also because they were shamelessly craven cowards. Also, their battle tactics, which consisted largely of hurling their heaviest rings at the Dwarve's eyes, were deemed unlikely to succeed at best.

• -29,877 : The Sack Sewers rout the Pole Polishers Local 833 in The Land That Will One Day Be Known As Graha. Oddly enough, that's what people called it back then.

• -29,853 : The Ringlings finish crafting what they hope will be the Ring that will allow them to kick everybody's ass.

• -29,852 : The Ringlings attempt to release the power of That One Ring, but are unable to get it to do anything. Their ranks are decimated, and the few that are left retreat into the G'nth'l Mines, convinced that next time they ought to make sure they can figure out what the ring can do before they place all their hopes, wishes, and dreams upon it.

• -29,837 : The Enchanted Lunchladies Guild defeat The Sack Sewers at the Cafeteria of Morlond's Field. Bystanders describe the battle as alternatingly "horrifying" and "delicious." Few Sack Sewers survive.

• -29,965 : The Magic Glee Club attempts to call a truce in the Old Wang Kingdom. They are all assasinated by the local magic smithy's guild, the Wang Pounders. The Wang Pounders maintain that the truce was simply a ruse.

• -29,693 : The Garmentmancers secretly distribute enchanted Vintage Shirts of Strangling throughout the land. Despite the name, they are heavily sought after by the Independent Rock Mages, who buy them eagerly. The survivors of this event declare the dead to have been "total sell-outs." The Garmentmancers gain an upper hand in the war for a brief time, but nobody wanted to buy their items now. They eventually dissolved, and a few of the members reformed as Clothesmancers.

• -29,601 : The Guild of Westron Magickal Itemmes hears of the Easteren Guild of Items of Magick, and brings a new East-West rivalry to the Item Guild Wars.

• -29,575 : The Shrubbers make a rather nice arrangement in front of the Magic Wood Carvers Society Hall. There were two shrubberies with a nice little path in between, and they looked rather lovely next to the fountain. Unfortunately, since this had absolutely nothing to do with warfare or tactics, they were decimated by the Wood Carvers

• -29,385 : The Aromatic Alchemists concoct a perfume that lulls their enemies to sleep. They use all of it on the Wang Pounders and slay all but a handful of them. Sadly, the magic perfume makers were also complete sissies, and this Handful of Wang Pounders would nearly destroy their entire Guild over the next few decades. This had the effect of taking both sides out of the War for a while, though.

• -29,420 : The Mystic Tea Baggers Union ships a huge selction of deadly enchanted teas to the Morlond's Field. Unfortunately, instead of eating it, the Enchanted Lunchladies Guild distributes it for profit to the local populace (in spite of the fact that it was labelled "Not for Resale"). The resultant plague of magical illnesses drives the people of Morlond's Field completely insane for tens of thousands of years.

• -29,320 : The Grottoling Tinkerers Guild nearly wipes itself out when trying to "break into the Magic Items racket," creating a devastating array of defective weapons that malfunction and raze its Guild Hall to the ground.

• -29,282 : The Stonecutters and the Guild of Weighty Metals clash with the Independent Rock Mages in the volcanic peaks west of Kelembad. Hygrad the Mighty witnesses the battle and vows to one day make a Band of his own, probably because it was such an awesome battle.

• -29,230 : The Brothers of the Magic Forge betray the Elfin Fletcher's Guild. Or possibly the other way around, depending upon who you ask. The grudge is held... well, for pretty much ever, since they didn't care much for each other in the first place. The brothers used this slight to rapidly expand their ranks, until it included the entirety of Dwarfdom, and guild leader Uregor the Proud was named Forge-King.

• -28,951 - Hygrad the Mighty convenes his heroes (the Band of Men) in the Mysterwoods of the Northern Vale. This band of heroes works to keep fighting between the guilds from pouring into this sacred forest.

• -29,042 : Rogues from the Easteren Guild of Items of Magick assassinate a prominent officer of the Westron Guild. The Westron Side declares that no Easteren Guild Members, "waethere theye bee smalls or biggie'ns," are marked for death.

• -28,903 : Hygrad the Mighty becomes sick of Soul Indigestion. The Enchanted Lunchladies Guild are suspected of tampering with a roasted Soulferic Bat. When he dies two years later, Hardforge the Kingsguard vows revenge, and that he will bring The War of the Item Guilds to an end to ensure the coming of the Magic Sword and its first King.

• -28,897 : Claygon forges the Ring of Immortality, which none of the meek Ringlings dare to put on. They instead bestow it upon a young one of the River Folk who will come to be known as S'yrf'yl the Immortal. He becomes a prominent figure in the last years of the War.

• -28,872 : The War of the Item Guilds ends as all remaining Guilds clash at the Battle of Great Coincidence.

Major Item Guilds

• The Westron Landes Magickal Itemmes Guild
• Easteren Guild of Items of Magick
• The Guild of Westron Magickal Itemmes
• Brothers of the Magic Forge
• The Ringlings
• Magic Wood Carvers Society
• The Guild of Enchanted Woods and Leathers
• Magic Weavers Cooperative
• The Sack Sewers
• Enchanted Lunchladies Guild
• Magic Glee Club
• Wang Pounders
• Aromatic Alchemists
• The Shrubbers
• The Garmentmancers
• Independent Rock Mages
• Mystic Tea Baggers Union
• Grottoling Tinkerers Guild
• Stonecutters
• Guild of Weighty Metals

Outcomes

The end of the War of the Item Guilds resulted in the forming of a council of Lawmakers in order to settle disputes over items. Guilds were immediately outlawed, and relegated to the domain of secret societies and organized crime. The Lawmakers immediately drafted the first of what came to be known as Item Laws, meeting regularly in the centrally-located Arkenvale, and later in Middleclang (see Item Laws A - Z).

This council of Lawmakers grew in size and eventually became distributed throughout the lands of Battal, which caused quite a bit of confusion. It was only later, when the rise of Elemenstation accellerated the already high production rate of magical items, that the system of Lawmakers was revisited and reorganized at the urging of Lord Ghor Gon Zolma tens of thousands of years later. All agreed that by then, it was about time to take something that was functional yet inefficient, and turn it into a highly convoluted bureaucracy.

Source Material

This period of The Landyworld is portrayed in The Item Guild Wars, a book in the The ElemenstorLance Series. Particular attention is paid to the intrigue surrounding the Enchanted Lunchladies Guild and the death of Hygrad the Mighty that will motivate his former Bandmates to bring an end to the War, as well as those characters that will go on to become the first of the Lawmakers.

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