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United Dildonics

Page history last edited by PBworks 14 years, 3 months ago

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United Dildonics Industries (UDI)

United Dildonics began as a small business, Felcher Importing, later changed to Felcher and Son. Augustus Felcher and his only son Reinhold Felcher found their niche in the business world importing carved wooden 'Husband Helpers' in New York City in the early years of the 20th Century.

 

Over the years, by acquiring rivals (Richard Johnson Importers, and Schwang Incorporated, most notably) Felcher and Son grew until it was the largest importer of 'Husband Helpers', 'Nanny's Best Friends', and 'Schoolmarm's Pets' in the country. During World War II the company began dabbling in Millitary contracts, and during the post-war boom of the Space Race, Changed its name to United Dildonics, to capitalize on their new 'high tech' outlook and focus.

 

In the mid 60's, UD moved into Asian markets, first as a cheap source of product for the US, and later buying those suppliers and becoming a major player in the area.

 

As a result of one of these acquisitions (Fukwa Industries), UD gained a back catalog of cartoons produced mainly for the Japanese Department of Health Education, as well as post-war morale building cartoons for the Japanese military. Using this back catalog, and cheap voice talent (becoming readily available in the US as more and more former radio stars were determined to have 'The perfect face for radio' and losing out on lucrative TV work), UD introduced many childrens cartoons to the US (Space Boy Protozoa, Dancer Warmaiden, Silly Driver, to name a few).

 

Having discovered the lucrative world of TV, UD began searching out new cartoon projects, often derivitive copies of other popular works (Jackie Search, Tim and Jeffy, Bendy the Man Made of Clay).

 

by the late 80's, UD's main stream of revenue came from cheap cartoons, with their personal care business only making up about a quarter of annual income, but the United Dildonics name had become a force in its own right, and changing it seemed like a foolish idea.

 

Alas, after the passing of Reinhold Felcher's son Siegfried in 1992 (rumored to be from, variously: a)an unfotunate drinking accident in a Lower East Side flophouse, b)AIDS, c)the Gerbil Incident, d)all 3) UD lapsed, as Siegfried left no progeny. After a long battle in probate courts between several of siegfried's closest friends and companions, the company was acquired by General Defense Dynamics and used as its animation house. Its old products gained new life with GDD's extensive marketing department.

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