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War Men

Page history last edited by Tim 11 years, 1 month ago

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The War Men

(Shokurung: Shokurung'onk)


A race of diminuitive, bearded psychopaths, living only for war and conquest, hailing from the underground Savage Barrenlands. Previously completely closed off from the outside world, passages to the surface of The Sickle were opened by the tremendous upheaval of The Sundering. Soon, raiding parties of War Men were terrorising the land. Many was the village that was burned, and its inhabitants enslaved, by a band of War Men mounted upon their fearsome Bitterscorpion steeds.


During the period known as 'The Unsundering', the War Men continued their reign of terror, their underground tunnels granting them access to even the most fortified of locations. In 15,548, a band led by Kundo Maaa - the mightiest, burliest War Man of the period - attacked Castle Whitecrag, murdered the Benevolent Archduke, and stole the legendary Pendant of Many Seasons. This act so struck fear into the leaders of the Sickle that they were forced to sue for peace - in 15,555 the Barrenlands Charter was signed, granting the War Men an above ground realm that would become known as the Desolate Plains.


However, this state of relative peace was not to last. During the final tumult of The Unsundering, the Desolate Plains were laid to (even more) waste, and huge sections of the Savage Barrenlands collapsed upon themselves. Shamed and homeless in the newly reunited Battal, the War Men were approached by the sinister Char Reyarteb. Exerting the power of his Starborn Gem, Reyarteb restored the Barrenlands. In exchange, the War Men would serve as soldiers in his dark armies. This unholy alliance lasted for many millenia to come. Char also tried to instruct War Men in Elemenstation with disastorous consequences (see: War Men Elemenstor). Many cultures where consumed by the terrible wrath of the War Men. The once-proud Arkleaf, home to an advanced culture, was destroyed during the Siege of Arkleaf.


Unfortunately, the violent excesses of the War Men, so vividly described by Tycho Brahe in his 'Elemenstor Cycle' were deemed unsuitable for the animated series 'The Wizbits'. This resulted in such memorable mis-steps as introducing the bumbling Warchief Bogg, along with his incompetent cronies Knuckles and Toasty, as recurring adversaries and comic relief in the series. In stark contrast to the previously established history of the War Men, these misguided but ultimately lovable blunderers desired nothing more than a constant home and big dinners. In fact, in several episodes of the series - notably Bumble Rumble (Part 2) - Bogg, Knuckles and Toasty aided the Wizbits in their epic quest, provoking the rage of their cruel, manipulative master Reyarteb.




While the War Men are known for their brutal nature, there are hints that they might have devolved from a more peaceful civilization. They are frequently described as using such culinary weapons as War Whisks and Battle Spatulas (called Batula by the primitive, monosyllabic War Men). It is suspected that the ancient War Men culture regarded cooking as the center of society, and was driven to savage brutality when their Spice Mines were tapped out. There are occasional references made to the Arugula Wars. A favorite dish of the War Men is their own savage form of grits. War Men also have a high affinity towards roasted peanuts.


War Men speak in The War Men's Brutal, Guttural War-Tongue, a brutal, guttural language used mostly for war.


The War Men have a primitive religion, which they call Grishak'hiki.


Some War Men organise themselves into the Clans of the War Men.


During the time when the brutal War-Men were at their peak, a small band of foolish and/or courageous Elemenstors journeyed forth to study them in their natural environment. One of the Elemenstors was quoted to say: "Crikey! War men look alot like Dwarves...in-fact..." But then the hapless band happened to be trampled by and then beaten into a pulp by the band of War-Men they had been observing. The experiment has not been repeated since.


War Men Fanart by Rhok:



This stuff is incredible! Where did you get it from? I don't recall much material at all from The Elemenstor Cycle - after all, these books are set almost 8000 years after the War Men's reign of terror. I know there are some references in Book 5 as a back-story for the appearance of the Underpants of the Underdeep, but there must be some more Canonical reference out there that I haven't read yet! Please share!






Most of this material is from the ELotH: TES - Pen and Paper RPG - mostly the long out-of-print adventure pack Plunder of the Barrenlands. Copies of this are pretty sought after amongst ELOTHTES fans - I recommend trying eBay, but be prepared to pay out!




I'm pretty sure there were a bunch of War Men cards in one of the booster sets for the CCG, although the name of it escapes me. Am I just having another acid flashback, or does anyone else remeber this? - Ooknabah


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